- Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes. He just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
- When the boogyman goes to sleep every night he checks the closet for Chuck Norris.
- Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze.
- Chuck Norris can speak braille.
- There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist.
- Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity twice.
- Some kids play kick the can. Chuck Norris played kick the keg.
- Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says "Now."
- Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
- Most people fear the Reaper. The Reaper fears Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he roundhouse kicked the Deputy.
- Chuck Norris' show is called Walker: Texas Ranger because Chuck Norris doesn't run.
- If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.
- Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
- Law and Order are what Chuck Norris calls his left and right legs.
- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
- Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking because the Rock is Chuck's personal chef.
- Chuck Norris is so cool, he has 12 facts in his top ten.
- Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
- Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
- Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
- Chuck Norris does not leave messages. Chuck Norris leaves warnings.
- Chuck Norris' calendar goes right from March 31st to April 2nd. No One fools Chuck Norris!
- Life is like a box of chocolates; You never know when Chuck Norris is going to kill you.
- The Great Wall of China was originally built to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
- Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.
- When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the earth down.
- How much wood would a Wood Chuck chuck if a Wood Chuck was Chuck Norris? ALL of it!
- Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris was originally cast as Jack Bauer in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
- Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
- M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
- If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don’t ask him for his three-hole-punch.
- The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
- Chuck Norris won’t ever get a heart attack, because a heart knows better than to attack Chuck Norris.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. This explains the absence of life there.
- Chuck Norris knows where Carmen San Diego is.
- Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
- Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger on a routine patrol.
- Chuck Norris once ate a Rubik's cube and pooped it out solved.
- When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
- Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross...just never his own.
- Chuck Norris successfully separated twins conjoined at the head by roundhouse kicking them in the face.
- Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life....never.
- God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris replied, "Say please."
- Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus.
- Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
- Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
- Chuck Norris does not believe in ravioli - he stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.
- Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. He figured one Grand Canyon was enough.
- Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
- Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
- Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.
- There are no such things as tornadoes. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
- Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
- Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but also a verb.
- Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one ever dared question his motives.
- Chuck Norris can kick through all six degrees of separation, hitting anyone anywhere in the face at any time.
- Chuck Norris can, in fact, raise the roof... and he can do it with one hand.
- Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know, except the definition of mercy.
- Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beat paper... but, Chuck Norris beats them all at the same time.
- Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the Richter scale.
- If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris knows every digit of Pi.
- Chuck Norris can taste lies.
- Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
- Outer Space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
- Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave because revenge is a dish best served cold.
- Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his own teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
- When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
- Hand sanitizer can kill 99.9% of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever he wants.
- Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- When Chuck Norris touches water, he doesn't get wet... the water gets Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris died 10 years ago, but the Reaper is too afraid to tell him.
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